Tuesday, 24 Sep 2019

Miriam Santiago Collections of Quotes

Ganito daw ang menu ng automated answering machine ng mental health hotline:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can
trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the alien mothership.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to
press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will
answer.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of
birth, credit card details, email address, and your Facebook password.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are a politician, please hang up. There’s no hope for you.

 

Label as: Miriam Santiago Collections of Quotes

 

Kung mangholdap ang mga sosyal, ang sinasabi:
“Holdap here, make bigay all your thingy!”
“Don’t make galaw or I’ll make tusok-tusok you!”

Kapag may nakita kang gwapo, maganda sa isang party, kapag nilapitan mo siya at sinabi
mong mayaman ako, pakasalan mo ako, ang tawag doon ay “direct marketing”.
Kapag pinadala mo ang kaibigan mo para sabihin sa kanya na mayaman ka at gusto mo
siyang pakasalan, ang tawag doon ay “advertising”.

Kapag nakuha mo ang number niya at tinawagan mo sa telepono kinabukasan para
sabihing mayaman ka at gusto mo siyang pakasalan ang tawag doon ay “tele-marketing”.
And finally, pag sinabi ng isang lalaki sa isang babae na mayaman ako, pakasalan mo ako
at sinampal siya ng babae, ang tawag doon ay “customer’s feedback”.

Kung may boyfriend ka o girlfriend na gusto mong i-break after graduation, ito sabihin
mo:
“Password ka ba? Kasi hindi kita kayang kalimutan pero kaya kitang palitan.”
“Summer ka ba? Kasi wala kang class.”
“Bachelors degree ka ba? Kasi tapos na ako sa iyo.”

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